In 2025, apparently all it takes for the "neighborhood mom" to be vaulted into fame as a spokesperson for our entire population is a TikTok account full of foolish relationship advice and an Instagram page plastered with images of herself either weeping over the all-consuming burdens of motherhood or selling the mirage of the fashionable, affluent, and thus, flawless family. You must have seen them before.
One such influencer bemoans the unbearable mental load and emotional labor of her life as a mom while criticizing her husband's incomprehensible inability to lift that load off her weary shoulders. One cries on camera about the fact that she has lost herself as she is changing diapers and washing dishes while she could be out dancing and drinking with friends on a Friday night as she used to. One advises that you should never tell your child to obey you without an explanation as it devalues their personhood and will traumatize them as adults. One advises that if your "inner knowing" routinely tells you that you are not being "seen" by your husband, instead of working through it, it is time you just stick up for yourself by divorcing him because your children will be proud of you one day. The moms of TikTok and Instagram have officially made it trendy to demean domestic life, embrace dissipation, ignore discipline, and celebrate divorce.
It is a trend that I, as a millennial, have watched tragically wreck the lives of many women of my generation. Even Christian women who should have known better. And I have sat many nights, rocking my baby or folding yet another load of laundry, asking myself, "Why?". What is it about the opinions and lifestyles of random women we do not know that we now find so compelling on social media? Why have we allowed them to shape our marriages, our parenting, and our perception of ourselves and others in such profound ways? For the sake of my sisters in Christ, I would like to A) offer a few personal observations that might assist us in answering these questions, and B) provide a Biblical antidote to the destructive messaging of some of these online influencers.
There are three factors in our current culture that seem to be skyrocketing the influence of entirely unqualified "experts" in the female online world. I will call them the vortex (the addictive nature of the media's algorithms), the vacuum (the lack of meaningful consistent connection with the Lord and other women in our families, churches, and social circles), and the void (the tendency we as women can have to perceive things in a negative way, seeing all the inadequacies of ourselves and others in the severest light possible).
The vortex, the vacuum, and the void feed off each other to create the conditions that leave us vulnerable to worldly ideologies. Our minds are not being filled with truths they should be filled with, such as the Scriptures and godly encouragement. Thus they are susceptible to being filled with all manner of unbiblical ideas. Discernment all but disappears. The fear of God lessens in our hearts as the fear of man grows in equal proportion. Our fallen nature then uses everything we take in -- the emotion-driven diatribes, the self-focused laments, the arbitrary and often legalistic lists of dos and don'ts, the flashy photos of wealth and status, etc. -- to cast a dark shadow over us and our loved ones. We are not enough, we think and feel. He is not enough. My family is not enough. This life I am living is not enough to fill me. So maybe they are right. I should be more like them.
It is no secret that the devil loves to deceive and ensnare us. Most often, we do not see his crafty hands at work until the damage has been done. For years, the online world seemed to offer many of us more friendship and more connection than we could find in our busy real lives. But what it actually offers is a cheap imitation of the intimacy we have truly been seeking. The devil is especially good at that - leading us away from what satisfies our souls and selling us a shiny fake that leaves us empty. I suspect that no one finds that to be true more quickly than influencers themselves. How many might wonder if anyone will actually know and love their "real self" once the sponsored ads stop running and the likes stop rolling in? While many surely love the spotlight and enjoy the perks of the lifestyle that social media provides for them, it is heartbreaking to think there are also many women out there in the Internet universe who, by all metrics, appear to be polished, popular, and important to hundreds of thousands of people and yet find themselves tonight without a friend's shoulder to cry on as they realize, "This is not everything I thought it would be." Criticism can sting. Relationships can crumble behind-the-scenes. The appearance of having it all together is often a painful mask we wear when everything is falling apart. And truly gospel-centered friends would have loving words for that, prayer for that, Biblical hope and wisdom for that. But, this fallen world has nothing -- and wouldn't offer it even if they did. The sad truth is that once one runs out of catchy soundbites or seductive snapshots, the world runs out of interest and simply clicks away.
So, what is the answer? How do we brace ourselves against a silent but powerful pressure to conform to a culture of entitlement, enabling, and indulgence? As always, the Lord offers us a better way. The issues we face today are clearly addressed in God's Word which is never outdated or insufficient. Let's consider each factor - the vortex, the vacuum, and the void - and see what Scripture has to say about how to mount our offensive against them.
• Fighting the vortex:
○ 2 Timothy 3:1-7
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth.
○ 2 Peter 2:1-3, 18-21
But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction. And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed. And in their greed they will exploit you with false words. Their condemnation from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep.…For, speaking loud boasts of folly, they entice by sensual passions of the flesh those who are barely escaping from those who live in error. They promise them freedom, but they themselves are slaves of corruption. For whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved. For if, after they have escaped the defilements of the world through the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the last state has become worse for them than the first. For it would have been better for them never to have known the way of righteousness than after knowing it to turn back from the holy commandment delivered to them.
○ 1 Corinthians 6:12, 19-20
“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.…Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
○ Hebrews 4:15-16
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
• Filling the vacuum:
○ James 4:2-8,10
You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.…Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.
○ Titus 2:3-5, 7-8, 11-14
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.…Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.…For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.
○ 1 Peter 5:5-10
Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
○ Romans 12:1-2
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
○ 1 Peter 1:13-19
• Re-framing the void:Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” And if you call on him as Father who judges impartially according to each one’s deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile, knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot.
○ Proverbs 13:20
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
○ Proverbs 13:24
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
○ Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
○ Proverbs 27:6, 9
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.…Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.
○ Philippians 4:4-9
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
○ 2 Corinthians 4:8-10, 16-18
We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.…So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
○ 2 Corinthians 12:10
For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
○ 1 Timothy 6:6-12
But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs. But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
To fight the addictive power of the social media vortex, we can limit our access, know its liabilities and limitations, and live out our real lives with purpose. To fill the vacuum caused by loneliness and limited exposure to truth, we can intentionally pursue experienced and engaged Christian community, make consistent time for Bible reading and prayer, and seek out tested resources on topics we are unfamiliar with or issues that affect our individual Christian walks. To frame our perceptions through a lens of God's goodness instead of anxiety or greed, we can focus our minds and hearts on all we have been given -- gifts like the people we love, the places we call home, and the redemption we have in Christ.
I write this as a challenge to myself first. There is so much we can do through the power of the Holy Spirit to reject the lies we are fed. What we need is not more self-esteem, but more self-awareness. Not more self-empowerment, but more self-effacement. Not more autonomy, but more accountability. Not more prestige, but more prayer. Not more followers, but more true friends. Not more likes on our posts, but more love in our hearts. Not more gold or glamour, but more of God's undeniable presence. We need to spend more time assessing our internal motivations and priorities than scrolling through Instagram. We need to intentionally build up our husbands with encouragement and prayer rather than build a case against them for some future conflict. We need to find ways to delight in serving, loving, and discipling our families instead of dreading the mundanity of our day-to-day household responsibilities.
Contrary to what we may hear from our peers, here is the truth. Real pleasure is rooted in real joy. Real joy is rooted in real obedience to Christ. Real obedience to Christ is rooted in real love for Him. Real love for Him is rooted in real understanding of our deep need for a Savior. So ultimately, we will find satisfaction in our role as women, wives, and mothers -- even on hard days -- when we point our minds and hearts toward the saving grace of Jesus. Our service and sacrifice will become an offering to the One we love most and that love will flow out to everyone around us, particularly our families.
The dominant culture of our era tells us to hope in the promise of a drink at the end of a hard day or a getaway at the end of a hard week. The Lord tells us to hope instead in eternal glory with Him at the end of a hard life. Who will we choose to listen to? We are called to "play the long game" in our work, our relationships, and our parenting. The goal is glory, not fame or so-called freedom.
So, fellow mom, let's fix our eyes on the only One who is truly worthy of our attention, our worship, and our praise. Let's find real friends who lift us up, carry us to the throne of God in prayer, and remind us where our affections should truly lie. Let's focus on being who we are called to be, loving those we are called to love, and doing well the tasks that have been given us to do -- all with a glorious future in view. Let's de-influence ourselves for the good of our souls.
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